Panchnama.

A few days back, my husband received a whatsapp message and was in bits of laughter after reading it. Before his eyes could reach the last line of the message, he had started forwarding it to all his whatsapp groups. And the last of all, he forwarded it to me, even though I was sitting just next to him on the bed. When my mobile beeped, he grinned at me like a cheshire cat. The message read  :

'ARMY OFFICER KI SHAADI KA PUNCHNAMA
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1 COURSEMATE TO OTHER AFTER A FEW DRINKS...

"How's your married life?"

Kabhi kisi ko 2 CO k under kaam karte dekha hai...Mujhe dekh le
Shaadi se pehle wow u r in army, ur life is so tough, ur uniform is so smart wow so proud of u.

Shaadi k baad ye poore din office main kya karte ho, TD pe aapko hi kyun jaana hai, EWT mein main kyun nahi chal sakti saath mein, agar saal mein 6 mahine bahar hi rehna tha toh mujhe kyun laaye yaha.

Sabse zyada dimaag ki dahi is AWWA ne kar rakhi hai. India ka nahi ISI ka haatha hai isme. Ye itni meeting kyun hoti hain, ye kaisa welfare hai, aaj uski biwi nahi aayi welfare mein, yeh AWWA meet itni boring kyun hoti hain....

Saariyaan...saari ki shopping khatam nahi hoti inki...aur ek saree ko dusree baar pehnengi nahi...roz dimaag chaatengi aap naya shirt le lo, apne liye toh kuch lete hi nahi ho...phir mall mein jaa kar 4 saree utha laayengi aur phir dimaag chaatengi ki khud k liye kuch lelo.
Ab inka pati ambani ya adani toh hai nahi ki roz saree bhi dila de aur phir bhi paise bach jaaye.

Uske baad ghar late aao to inhe jawaab do, tum toh chaahte hi nahi ho mere sath time spend karna, tum toh khud TD jaana chaahte ho, shaadi se pehle toh bada phone karte the, ab kya ho gaya.
To kya karoon...puri zindagi 'Lt' hi rahu ya bhagoda ho jaun.

2 ghante pehle phone kar k bol diya ki shaam ko party hai, kitna mushkil hai baat samajhna. Office se bhaagte hue aao toh dekho koi taiyaar hi nahi hai, phir 5 min mein khud taiyaar ho, unhe taiyaar karo...makeup khatam nahi hota inka. Aisa kya lagaati hain muh pe, ab ek hi din mein aishwarya toh ban nahi jayengi.

Is sab k baad bhi agar bhaagte bhaagte time pe pahunch gaye toh aapki toh koi planning hi nahi hai, aap toh sab casually lete ho, aapke PART D k exam clear nahi hai, Maj...k toh sab clear hain, aap staff kab clear karoge, aapki achhi city miein posting kyun nahi aati, Delhi kyun nahi posting karwa lete, aap CO kab banoge. Ab mujhe kya pata meri maa kab banunga, 1 din mein toh ban jaunga nahi. Delhi posting kara lo ab mera sasur toh defense minister laga nahi hai jo main fauj ka damaad hun....it's ridiculous yaar.'

So this was the reason for his grin - he had found his fellow-sufferers who gave him voice. But he did not know then that 'picture abhi bhi baaki thi', when the feminist in me decided to turn the coin to it's other side and pen down the reply; after all everyone has got the right to defend oneself. So here's the response to all the officers who zealously relate to the above 'heartrending' story :

ARMY WIVES KI SHAADI SHUDA ZINDAGI KA PUNCHNAMA
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1 army wife to other after a drink..
how's your married life?

kabhi kisi ko engineering se passout hoke aanganwadi ki class attend karte dekha hai....Mujhe dekh le
Shaadi se pehle wow u cleared AIEEE, you are so beautiful, tum office aur ghar dono kaise manage kar leti ho, how did u clean those viruses, bravo girl.
Shaadi k baad
Tum pure din ghar mein karti kya ho, tumko dress pe stars lagane bhi nahi aate, aaj fir tumne wahi daal bana di, ye military presentation hai tumhari samajh m nahi aayegi, agar saal mein 6 mahine bina husband k nahi reh sakti toh mujhse shaadi hi q ki.

Sabse zyada dimaag ki dahi is AWWA ne kar rakhi hai. tumko usme jana hi padega, CO ki wife tumko bula rahi hai, senior ladies hongi jeans nahi saree pehen k jao, jawano ki wives ka khayal rakhna tumhara farz hai, CO ki wife ne kaha hai toh tumko vriksharopan project mein part lena hi padega.

Sharaab..Sharaab ki shopping khatam hi nahi hoti inki...aur ek  bottle ko kabhi kholenge bhi nahi...roz dimaag chaatenge k  mere salary khatam ho gayi hai tumko kaha se dun paise...aur fir CSD jaake 4 nayi bottle utha laayenge aur fir dimaag chaatenge k paise nahi hai.

Ab inke yaha koi kuber ka ped laga hua hai k roz daaru ki bottle utha laaye aur paise khatam na ho. Uske baad khana lagane mein thoda late ho jao ya subah 5 baje PT pe jaane se pehle chai na de pao toh fir inki suno, tum rehne do main bina khaaye hi chala jaunga, pehle toh meri ek  phone call pe uth jaya karti thi, ab alarm bajne pe bhi nahi uth paati ho,  toh kya karu pure din kitchen mein hi khadi rahu ya chaukidaar ki tarah jagti rahu.

2 ghante pehle phone karke bol diya k shaam ko party hai. Office mein baith k phone karne mein toh koi mushkil nahi hai. Office se wapas aake dekho tab pata chalega k 2 ghante mein tumhare bacho ka homework bhi karana hai, unka khana banana hai, unke kapde kal k liye laundry karne hai, tumhare party k kapde ready karne hai, tumhari uniform kal k liye ready karne hai, tumhare kutte ko khana dena hai, aur kal subah k breakfast ki taiyari karni hai...aur din raat tumhari seva karne se jo dark circles ho gaye hain ab unko chupaane k liye make up bhi na
lagaye...baad mein tum hi kahoge...Col...ki wife toh abhi bhi itni sundar lagti hain aur apni toh..

In sab k baad bhi agar bhagte bhagte time pe pahunch gaye toh..wo Col..ki wife hain jao jaake unko hello bol k aao..wo Brig..ki wife hain unse sahi se baat karna...tumne toh naak kata di...tumne Maj.. ki wife ko call kiya k nahi wo tumhare baare mein puch rahi thi..tumne meri handbook bana di k nahi mujhe aaj submit karni hai...aaj maine sabko cocktail party pe bula liya hai coz  aaj saturday hai...tum aaj ek ghante mein dinner bana lo...maine bachelors ko bula liya hai...Mrs...ne pichli baar bahut achha pudding banaya tha tum waisa kab banaogi..ab mujhe kya pata main kab banaungi..ab ek din mein engineer se chef toh ban nahi jaungi...

it's ridiculous yaar.

I still sometimes ask my husband to forward this to all his whatsapp groups, on which he diligently changes the topic and asks me if I would like to have some meal cooked by him.

Cheerss!!!!

P.S. : The above content is all in good humour; no offense intended.

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The Batman!!!

While dating my 'fauji' for the past 9 years, the word which incessantly rang in my ears was 'Buddy'. Even on the telephone, I could make out that he was busy directing his buddy instead of concentrating on me. Believe me, it was very very frustrating when as a 'full stop' to his conversation with him, he said a word or two to me. 

For the naive, the buddy is a junior rank soldier attached to a senior officer to carry out his orders and other official tasks. The Buddy System is as old as the word Army, when it was called by lesser known names like Sahayak, Helper, Batman to name a few.

The day my husband reported to his unit after being newly commissioned, he got his first batman...DK...that's what he used to call him. DK was quick and followed his 'saab' day and night. He and his saab were expected to work as one team in the times of war to provide each other increased safety & assistance, and they practiced it in peace time too.

They saved each other from crisis - professional and personal both. DK made sure his saab was never late for the early morning PT, rubbed his saab's shoulder titles & ranks till they shone; and his saab made sure that DK's leave application was accepted without hassles. They had developed a bond with each other; a bond which was not of friendship or brotherhood; it was different and special. A bond of taking each other's responsibility upon each other. It was not forced or professional; it was implicit. At dusk, when DK used to be busy ironing his saab's uniform and his saab used to be busy attending the day's posts in his room, they had unknowingly set apart these few minutes to laugh with each other; the minutes in which they gossiped and cracked jokes and planned the tasks for the next day.

Years later I finally got married to my 'fauji' and walked into his bachelor space turning it upside down. My husband was compelled to share his cupboard space and DK his work space. DK couldn't just barge into the home; he did not get to choose his saab's civil dress now as his 'memsaab's' choice prevailed; and he didn't have to do the rounds of the mess for his saab's meals. DK was elated or dejected by this sudden change, I do not know. On one particular occasion, he even expressed his disapproval, when I re-planned the furniture placement and shifted our bar cabinet to a new corner. I guess we were vying implicitly to prove the explicit.

Despite our domestic tug-of-war, our sense of camaraderie prevailed naturally on all social fronts. If ever I faced obstruction in my new cantt life, due to my non familiarity to the army norms or the absence of my husband, DK was quick to do away the trouble. The places where ladies were not expected, DK did the job as his saab was busy playing the adjutant. On one such occasion, a jawan denied me entry to the CSD as they were winding up for lunch; by the time I made a call to my husband as there was still time to break off for lunch, DK was there at the CSD door, nudging the jawan, saying "adjutant saab ki memsaab hain"; and I was let in.

That afternoon my husband came home, hung his beret on the hanger and walked into the kitchen. "Are you free this evening", he enquired.

"Yeah, unless you take me to shopping", my optimism replied; but he seemed to ignore the humor.

"D'you mind paying a visit to DK's home?", he asked. I assumed it to be a question when he actually meant 'pay a visit to DK's home'. I had sensed the fishiness of his tone so replied in the affirmative without questions but following him into the bedroom couldn't hold my inquisition any longer and I bombarded him with queries.

DK was in a tiff with his beloved wife. The unit had limited married accommodations and DK had outstayed his tenure in the unit campus. It was now his turn to shift to the civil homes on rent so that some other jawan and his family could entail the accommodation benefits. But his wife had refused to obey as she found civil accommodation unsafe for her children. Her young mind turned down all logical and ethical reasons. He at last confided into his saab as the last resort, who chose to give woman-to-woman-talk a shot.

I couldn't recall the moment when my husband christened me a counselor; but as a dutiful wife, I reached DK's home. His wife was at the door and I greeted her; it seemed absurd at first, where to start and what to start; and just like the rising falling tides, the thought of being thought of as a meddler in her personal life was also giving me cold creeps. She was courteous to hear me out and her frequent nods melted the ice of callowness. Her last nod was a long one and I assumed it to be the right moment to give the meeting a halt. She bid me goodbye and after kissing her children I left her place. For me, the visit was dispensable from the start point because sooner or later, his wife would have to move out; she would want to do it happily or unwillingly was upon her; hence I just followed the directions given to me without churning my brain wires. I guess, the same was with her too when she entertained me as a guest. But from that day onward, our reflexes were not governed by our husbands.

We met frequently from then on, in welfare meets, 'bada khaana' and other gatherings and our relationship grew gradually; she never hesitated to bring forth anything which worried her or which required my help. And I tried my level best in all I could do for her and her kids.

Counselling sessions held for wives of jawans

I was now figuring out the actual meaning of 'Buddy'. Although the system had started years ago with 'Battle Buddy', where the respective partners were required to support each other in and out of combat, the age old system still had relevance today. It was a two way relationship and it still is. I felt myself to be responsible for the welfare of DK's family just as DK carried my husband's responsibility on his shoulders.

Months passed and the posting to the new station finally broke the monotony of my newly acquired household life after marriage. The cooking-dusting-washing exercise for 3 long months had knocked me out and I was beginning to crave for my earlier-despised 9 to 5 job; but the acclimatization to the new place had signed off my ambitious doppelganger to a hiatus.

Being social is not natural to me and it took me around 10 days, 3 casual invitations and several moments of self inducement to pay a visit to my new neighbors. As soon as I knocked on the door, somebody pulled open the door for me from behind and greeting me 'namaste memsaab', removed his shoes near the door mat and went inside. Imitating him, I too pulled open my shoes before stepping inside but my host stopped me mid way and signaled me to come in with the shoes on. My eyes followed that somebody into the kitchen where he religiously pulled out the chopping board from the rack and started slicing the veges. I made a mental note to ask my husband if we could also keep a cook for a while (I wanted a change and my husband needed a brush with reality), and the icing on the cake was that he was right in front of me.

The thought was thwarted when my subconscious mind introduced me to the fellow in the kitchen as my neighbor's sahayak. Little had I known then that it was just a peek into the new dimension of' Battle Buddy which I would be soon coming to terms with. From then on, I would encounter several sahayaks minding toddlers of officers, walking their dogs, helping with the dusting of the house, serving in personal parties and doing all sorts of jobs which I generally saw my mom doing in her civil life or for which she hired a domestic help.

During my husband's field tenure before, I had come across several soldiers who were also categorized under various trades like Chef, Dresser, Mess keeper, Steward, House Keeper etc. Although it was a bit of discomfort, to let soldiers enter my personal space and do menial jobs for me, but the limitations of the terrain left us with no other option. 

The deserted terrains of Leh..only the best of friends and worst of enemies would like to visit!!!

As the saying goes, 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do', so we went with the flow.

But now when we had arrived 'elsewhere', it was distressing to see that the 'Rome culture' was still being loved here; it was distressing to see that the limitations of the service were used as its perks.

The irrelevant work space and the continuation of such things over the years not only wounds the pride & dignity a soldier feels in his uniform, it also makes their combat skills obtuse.  For instance the sahayak assigned to my husband at the new station was in the habit of offering me help in all kinds of domestic chores. He felt it was his moral obligation to attend to such things. The other morning he was quick enough to see that the maid had called it a day without disposing the garbage tin and he took it upon himself to finish off the task. I could sense the disappointment of a missed target on his face when I took the garbage bag from him and asked him to let the maid do it in the evening.

He was creative too and amused me by his expertise in creating new assignments. Once out of the blue he asked me for a needle and thread because the inappropriate length of my living room curtains was disturbing him. I guess his vision and scope of work had been broadened by multiple attachments over the years. The last day of his service with us was a big relief to me; now I didn't have to run around to make my home impeccable before his hawk eyes found a fault with it.

The scenario definitely needs realignment because somewhere our ignorance and inclination to follow unethical practices for immediate benefits, is responsible for such a tangled state of the Battle Buddy. The soldier fraternity would be fortunate if the think tanks formulate a solution to bridge the gargantuan gap between the old and the existing buddy system. But if they don't and just decide to do away with it, the army will definitely lose one of its strengths.
Ever wondered how unfortunate it would be if the consumption of honey gets banned only because it becomes toxic when heated???  Let's use it naturally and moderately and it will remain as wondrous as it is.

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MHOW, the linchpin!!!

A small cantonment on the Mumbai-Agra Highway in M.P., Mhow is truly a linchpin for the Maratha dynasties, the British Era and the Indian Army. Although the town was founded as a result of the Treaty of Mandsaur between the English and the Marathas of Indore about 200 years back, it still houses the architecture of the British, the craft and culture of the Marathas and the infrastructure of the Indian Army.

The two months I spent in Army War College in Mhow, during my husband's course, were sheer bliss. Well planned cantonment, small local eating joints, the architectural sites in and near Mhow and above all the markets loaded with plenty of inexpensive and good quality stuff, all contributed in making my stay a memorable and cherished one.

Here I am writing this page for all the ladies who are all set to pack their bags for Mhow and that too for the first time. Get lots and lots of empty bags, for Mhow won't let you go empty handed.

I start by listing some of the best things in Mhow that you can lay your hands on and where to find them:

In-house fabric weaving at the Rehwa Handloom

1. Maheshwari & Chanderi Sarees/ Suits  :  Cotton and silk weaving is an age old tradition in M.P. and Mhow offers a variety of Maheshwari and Chanderi sarees and suits. A no. of good shops like Balaji Collection, Raj Kumar Mills, Stitch well etc in the main market of Mhow deal in them. You can also check out the emporiums near the Ahilya Fort in Maheshwar city

2. Bagh Print : This is an age old technique of block printing using natural colors. A wide variety of colors and designs are available in cotton and silk materials in all the three shops mentioned above.

3. Linens : Mhow shops will also fascinate you with its medley of linens - Bed Linens, Table Linens, Bath Linens, Curtains and so much more. You can also get them made as per your requirement in matching colors and design. Dohar sets are also worth a buy.

4. Smocking dresses : Smocking is an embroidery technique in which the fabric is gathered to give it a stretching texture. Smocked frocks, night suits and gowns are available in many shops of the main market.

Got a saree designed for myself with golden
shadow work. I adorned it with pearl lace later.

5. Shadow work : Mhow is also well known for its shadow embroidery. Shopkeepers dealing in dress materials have a variety of sarees with Shadow work too. There are also two exclusive Shadow Work shops namely Manju Shadow Work and Shobna Shadow work, in swimming pool complex and signal vihar complex resp. You can order for sarees, kurtas, and duppattas in the color combinations of your choice.
P.S. : If you have a chance of going to Lucknow, then keep the shadow work shopping for Lucknow. Lucknow offers beautiful Shadow and Chikan work combination in very reasonable prices, almost half of the price you'll be paying in Mhow.

6. Paintings : Mhow oil painters are the most loved in the Indian Army. You can choose from a wide range of scenic frames to spiritual themes or even get your own portrait done by them. The painting shops are mostly at the end of the main market. You can check out 'ColorSpot' for the same, but be sure to give the order with atleast 1 month in hand.

7. Western wear : You will be surprised to know that you can find the latest fashion from 'LBDs' to 'Pallazos' in Mhow too. The shop 'Fashion Street' caters to all the western outfits demand and that too at a very reasonable price.

8. Leather : Although personally I don't prefer leather items but for those who are interested, Mhow harbors so many leather craftsmen that you can choose from a wide range of artifacts. They deal in animal crafts, furniture, decor items, Bean bags, hand bags, belts, wallets, jackets and footwears.
Start with checking out the AWWA shop in the army college campus. There are a lot of leather shops at the end of the main bazaar also. But before investing, make sure of surveying the prices of the common items. Prices are way too less in the AWWA shop.
You can also go for tailor-made boots/sandals in your favorite color or just hand over a cutting of 'Gucci' shoes to the craftsman and get your own made in 10 times lesser price. For custom made shoes, check out the shop in the swimming pool complex rather than those in the main market. The complex shop offers fixed and very cheap price for boots and sandals.
Babji Leather House is also a well known supplier of Leather items. You can also pay a visit to the Tata Factory in Dewas to get hold of some fashionable shoes as the products are exported to leading global brands.

9. Celina Jaitley Boutique : Drop in on Celina Jaitley's boutique run by her mother to get a look at some designer kurtis and tops.


Apart from your shopping list, do take out time for sight seeing and pamper your taste buds too. Here's a list of what all you can see and where you can dine :

1. College Campus Restaurants : Aashiyana, Milan and Shangri-La are your best options for a peaceful evening.

2. Shangri-La Theatre : Get hold of your 'fauji' friends if you are not from the Army to watch a movie under the stars in the open air theater of Infantry School. You'll definitely cherish this experience every time you sit in a multiplex.

3. Col's Hotel Uphaar : Started by Late Col Gupta, the Hotel offers fine dining experience. It is located on A.B. Road.

4. Swimming Pool Complex : Feeling short of recreational activities in Mhow?? Go for a swim in the college campus pool. The place is quite lively due to the Shadow work and leather shops in the complex.

5. Relish : Step into Relish store to feed you burger cravings. It is located in Malwa complex and has the best veg/non veg burgers in the city.

6. Bhanwari Lal Mithaiwala : This 70 year old sweet shop should never be missed by anyone. It's a treat for all those with a sweet tooth. And if you happen to visit Mhow in off season for mangoes, don't forget to gorge on their 'Aam Paak'.

7. Street Food : The roadside vendors at the end of the main market are also worth giving a try for South Indian platter.

8. Berchha Lake : The serene and calm Berchha lake is the best place to spend a peaceful evening with family and friends. The area is mainly controlled by the army for training purposes but it is open for boating for all.

A view of the Choral River from the Resort

9. Choral Dam : The breezy Choral will give you an opportunity to witness the sun rising through the hills. You can even plan a stay at the Choral resort by M.P. Tourism.

10. Patalpani : This waterfall is a famous picnic spot in Mhow. Sadly, it has been more in the news for accidents, as the area is flood prone. The base of the waterfall is believed to be so deep as to reach the core of the Earth, hence the name 'Patal'. It mainly comes to life during the rainy season and remains dried up during summers.

11. Nakhreli Dhani : It is a concept restaurant capturing the spirit of Rajasthan villages and made on the lines of the very famous 'Chokhi Dhaani'. The big Rajasthani Thaali of the theme village will definitely delight your palate. It's located on Rangwasa Road, Rau.

12. Indore : Spare the weekend for a visit to Indore city which is just about 25 km from Mhow. It not only embodies malls and multiplexes, but embraces those eating joints also which you'll not find elsewhere. Like the Sarafa Bazaar, which is famous for its 1 gm gold jewellery in the daytime and the street food after the dusk. And not to forget the Chappan (56) dukaan for the 'chaat' and 'pakode'.

13.  Ujjain : The ancient city of Ujjain is around 90 km from Mhow. It is home to the sacred Mahakaleshwar Jyotirlinga temple which is situated along the Rudra Sagar Lake. If you have more than 1 day to spend in Ujjain, do check out other places like Kaliadeh Palace and The Vedh Shala.

14. Maheshwar : The city is small but has a rich history of the Marathas. The 2 hour drive will not wear you down once you step into the glorious 'Ahilya Fort'. The fort-turned-museum will surely fascinate you with its carved walls, historic weapons and most importantly the sight of the fabric weaving in the Rehwa Society.

I guess the list is quite extensive but it is still missing on many things, and that's why Mhow is such a beautiful place to live in because it has so much to offer that we always miss out on something or the other.

Have a happy stay and happy shopping....:)

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